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About 4 years ago I went to this event put together by a church I used to attend. They had a breakdancing competition with a live DJ and
everything. I thought it would be a cool thing to bring my daughter to because
there would be music (which she loves) and other kids and new people and I thought
she’d like to see the breakers do their tricks. So I loaded her and her wheelchair
up in the car and headed over there. (Read about what "loading her and her wheelchair up in the car" entails here.) I had been looking forward to going with
her for the entire week and was excited! I thought this could be something fun we could do together that would make a great memory...something "normal" that typical families enjoy together. As soon as we got there, though, she wanted to
leave. I mean, she wanted out of there immediately.
I stuck around for a while, trying to spark an interest, pointing out the
breakdancers flipping around, showing her the DJ booth. But she would have no
part of it. She wouldn’t even give it a chance and I was so upset. I gave up, packed
her into the car and headed back home, deflated. I was so sure that she would
enjoy it and that it would be something fun we could do together, maybe meet
some new friends, create some new memories. I was crying by the time we got
home because I felt like I was robbed of a dream. I really thought I was going
to be able to do something “normal” with my daughter.
After we got home and she was safe in her bed I really lost
it. With tears rolling down my face, I just kept screaming up to the heavens, “PLEASE!
JUST LET HER GROW UP A LITTLE!” “WHY CAN’T SHE JUST GROW UP?!?” I wanted her to
grow out of the Dora and Barney kiddie stage and move on to the older kid
stage, the one where iCarly is cool. I wanted to be able to take her to see a
breakdancing competition. I wanted to be able to have a family movie night and
watch a Disney princess movie or Monsters, Inc. That’s one of my many fantasies
- having a family movie night. It sounds kinda lame but what can I say? I’m
just being honest here. But we can’t do that because the baby shows she watches
don’t really make movies.
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Thinking back on it I wonder, “What am I asking for?” What
will her emotional evolvement come at the expense of? Today, my daughter is 14
and shows no indication of having an interest in boys. (And please don’t tell
me to be grateful for that) She doesn’t feel sad because she doesn’t get
invited to birthday parties or doesn’t have girlfriends to chat on the phone
with (not that she could). She is perfectly content spending her days with her
parents, brother and other family. If she were to “grow up” as I begged for,
and grow out of the kiddie stage, would her desires change as well? Watching shows
like iCarly may only serve to show her the things she doesn’t get to do like
sleepovers or cheerleading. My asking for family movie night may bring sadness
into my daughter’s heart because she may begin to long for the affection of a
14-year-old heartthrob.
In “The Monkey’s Paw” written by W.W. Jacobs, three wishes are granted to the holder of the paw but not without an enormous price. A mother who lost her son wished him to come back to her and he did. After he had been buried for a week. She got her wish but not in the way SHE pictured it.
I have decided to never again wish that my daughter would just grow up a little because she may end up paying a very high price for my charges.
The Lord understands your heart, feels your pain; but will not give you something that will not bring Him glory. So often when He says "no" it is for our own best interest. You have seen this happen by this example. Thank you for sharing this experience so candidly. You're a good mom!
ReplyDeleteWow I have never considered it from that perspective! This is why I have gotten so much out of writing this blog...I get feedback whether it's on here or through email and it makes me see things differently. Thanks Wendy, this is a comment that will truly help me when I get stuck in my own wishes. God bless you.
ReplyDeleteMy son was 12 at the time of his near drown (25 minutes w/o oxygen). He's now 26 and still laughs at his favorite movies and characters from when he was 12...loves animated stuff. Some things never change and that's OK!
ReplyDeleteWhat great perspective. Bless you.
ReplyDeleteOne thing I meditate on for my boys to remind me of what is important:
ReplyDeleteMay you be well
May you be happy
May you be free from suffering
All great desires to have for our kids (and ourselves!)
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing that.
Thank you all for your kind comments. I feel like I was meant to read this today as my son is in the process of being diagnosed with ASD. It's a good reminder to me to love him as he is for as long as I am blessed to have him.
ReplyDeleteGetting an official diagnosis is very difficult to take, even if we already know what it is (or have a suspicion of what it is). At least it was for me. I knew that my daughter was disabled from the moment she missed her first milestone. By 2 years of age, it was obvious to anyone who interacted with her. She had been followed by a neuro who mentioned CP as the most likely culprit but 15 years ago, diagnoses weren't made till about 2 years of age. When I took my daughter for her appointment that day, I thought I was prepared to hear what I heard (Cerebral Palsy confirmed). After all, I had cared for her for the last 2 years; been there for all therapy sessions (PT, OT, SP). But I totally lost it. I had my first anxiety attack and needed to be given oxygen because I couldn't breathe.
ReplyDeleteIt's hard for most people. That's why it's so important to have support. Fortunately there are so many options online today for people who may not get the support they need at home.
Thanks for your comment & I hope you & your son are well.